featherduster | ( limelight ) overflow

I think so.

[he had not really known what he wanted to know, but he had known there was something. better this than a torturous conversation to work out what.]

I am sorry.

[ He reaches for Frost's hand ]

Don't.

[he lets Aloe take it, but presses both their hands to his own face to a moment, Aloe’s knuckles against his brow. his breath is the slightest bit unsteady.]

[ Low ]

It's alright.

Wish I could fix it.

[that’s true of a lot of things.

he steadies after a little of that, though; the pressure of Aloe’s hand in his, his breaths deep and deliberately even]

I think... we did, didn't we?

At least-- we both know we were wrapped up in misunderstandings back then. It would've been different, if we'd just understood each other.

I thought…

[a tiny laugh, not precisely happy]

You were always so…good, with other people. It drove me nuts that I couldn’t figure out how to make you look at me like that.

I think, if I look back on all of it... I hated that you didn't like me. I didn't know how to deal with not being liked in my "fake, normal" life, since that was the only place I could have that kind of thing. It was easier to double down on grudges and anger, and decide the problem was all you. You were wrong for not liking me, a guy treating you in a very unlikable way.

[ Softly, chagrined ]

... I'm not quite that stupid anymore.

When I tried to invite you to my bar opening, ages ago, I wanted you to see…that people liked me too. That there was something worth liking.

It’s a little funny. All that effort, and we both had no idea we were that little distance away from each other in our underground lives, too.

Edited 2025-05-20 02:01 (UTC)

I'm alright with that part, at least. I... wouldn't want you to have known me like that.

…

It hasn’t bothered me particularly. Even if I mostly didn’t get my own hands dirty, I still stood in the same mess.

Still...

[ He looks away, the next part hesitant. Like he's not sure if he should give voice to it. ]

I've wondered a few times-- whether Charon would be disgusted by 'Aloe,' compared to the man he knows. He was... better.

[he gives it the visible thought Aloe seems to think it deserves, even though he knows the answer]

The truth is that “Charon” was much worse than “Aloe,” in many ways. Don’t—tell me I’m being too hard on him this time. He knew exactly what he was and he wanted to be what he was.

[ He doesn't argue the point, since he doesn't actually disagree ]

Maybe, but... he fell in love with someone very unlike himself. That couldn't be an accident.

[ He shrugs, a little lopsided since Frost still has his hand ]

It doesn't matter now. It's just- something I think about, sometimes.